A Poem of True Thought

Sometimes I wonder
who will rush to my side
if I were to end up in the hospital.

Will these friends,
these "friends"
Come to me
Save me from my grief?

Save me.
From my grief.

Will the people I look up to

look up to

come, see and support me?

Sometimes I feel as though I'm alone
in that hospital.

Alone.
Dying.
Without anyone to see.


Whoa, depression poem much.
Sorry, felt like being poetic.

PS - As much as I love this snow I hate now I'm so isolated!

Long, Pointess to most, not to me.

I really should be writing an essay right now comparing Helen from Martin McDonagh's The Cripple of Inishmaan, and Janice from Shanley's Italian-American Reconciliation, but I have too much on my mind, so I decided to write here.

Firstly, Fiddler is over. I cannot believe it. I hate when shows end - I always feel so glum for the first few days. This show was one of the best I've been in, and it makes me sad that it's over already. I don't know what I'm going to do now - probably sulk around, looking at pictures and watching the video. I just want to thank everyone who was involved with Fiddler, or who even came to see the show. It was an amazing experience and I'll never forget it.

Now I just feel like I have nothing to do with my life, but I'm sure it'll pass soon enough - just have to get back into the routine of having no show in my life at the moment (besides Anne).

What else? School ends in a week, and then I have four exams and I'm done. It's flown by really fast - it astounds me.

It seems like a lot of things are ending lately: shows, schools.....friendships.

I called my old friend Rhianna on Saturday because it was her 19th birthday, she didn't seem too thankful that I called. I'm sure she was just busy, but it just made me feel like a hunk of junk - like I don't have anyone from school to lean on anymore. Actually, the only person I can really, really lean on is Jared, who I'm so grateful for. I feel sorry for the poor guy though, he gets all my attitude and complaints. It seems like he doesn't mind though. He knows that all my school friends have gone their seperate ways.

As for theatre friends, well- being in musical theatre, we're all busy people, so I don't really feel like burdening them with my sorrows.
Plus... I'm not close to them like I was to my school friends, or to Jared. Sure, we're close....but.....I can't explain it....
I don't really talk about my personal, personal feelings to any of my theatre friends. I've always felt like an outcast at times compared to them. I see a bunch of my theatre friends who are so close and tell each other anything. The only person like that for me is Jared.

I know most of this probably doesn't make any sense at all, because I'm splurding out thoughts.

Another thought - CCO (Catholic Christian Outreach) has this thing called RISE UP every year, which is a conference they do around Canada. This year it is in Quebec City, and I soo very badly want to go, but I can't afford it. They suggested findraising, but I just haven't had the time, and the registration form is due this week. I know I'm going to regret not going - but I guess there's always next year.

Do you ever feel like crying but you just can't? I hate that. Like I said, I'm feeling this way because the show is over, and I'll be fine in a few days, it just stinks to feel this way.


I'm not looking for any sympathy, because I know these feelings will pass. Just needed to write out some thoughts...

C'est la vie.

What Else?

So I registered for my last semester At Dougie. Can you believe it? It's my last semester, already! Insane! I'm taking some pretty random classes, but some pretty sweet ones too:

English - Studies in Fiction
Creative Writing - Intro to Writing Fiction
Humanities - New Religious Movements
History - World History since 1945
and and and and................
Performing Arts - ACTING FOR THE STAGE!

Woot! Finally an acting class!! I'm pretty stoked.
______________
What else?
Well - I had lost my sheet music binder. But then I realized that even though Joel said he gave it back to me he didn't! Pfft. But I have it now and it's all good.

What else?
My freakin car won't start :(. Apparently the starter is broken (go figure). So now I either have to geta ride to shows or take my sister's car until it's fixed.

What else?
I'm so sad that Fiddler is ending this week. I love the cast - there's so many amazing people and I truly will miss them. It's totally been an uphill journey for my musical theatre experience - that's for sure.

What else?
My mom got back from NYC on Monday and she got me and Mel: I (heart) NY .........PAJAMA PANTS! They are the coolest. And we got those things for keys that can go around your neck - I forget what you call them - with New York written on them. Pretty sweet stuff.

On another note - I have not gone Christmas shopping yet, and I have NO idea what to get ANYONE! It's so hard shopping for other people, and I hate it.

Anyways, that's about it.

Ta ta

Non-Theatre Friends.

Another two days off.

I can't believe that this is going to be the last week of Fiddler. I'm going to miss it tremendously!

Well, Saturday night Jared and his family came to see the show, and they absolutely loved it!! Jared said he may even come again!

Anyways, I really wanted to write today because I've been thinking a lot about my non-theatre friends lately. It makes me so sad that I'm not as close to them as I once was. And what astounds me still, is that after 9 years of musical theatre, some of them still don't understand that Musical Theatre is my life, my passion...musical theatre is what makes me who I am. It also saddens me that most of them just think that every show i'm in is just another show and they make the excuse that it's too expensive. TOO EXPENSIVE?! Do you know how much professional shows are? $21 is NOT bad at all! And as for it being just another show - it's not. If you truly cared about me and wanted to be supportive, you'd come see every one of my shows, because that's who I am. Every show is different, has different characters etc, so how can it be just another show!? So you're saying if I got into a Broadway show you wouldn't come see it because it was just another show and too expensive. That's how I see it.

Anyways, that's my rant. That's why i want to hang out with my theatre friends more - because they know what it's like and they'll support me no matter what.

Yeah, that is just how I have been feeling lately.

What are the chances?

In the words of Charlie Brown:

"UGH! I CAN'T STAND IT!" & "Good Grief!"

So, of of course I have to get SICK this week of shows. How gross is that?! I've never, ever, ever been sick while doing a show. I guess there's a first time for everything. I totally blame Iain, he was so sick that we had to cut out his song on Sunday!

Anyways, it's the kind of sickness where you're ears pop non-stop and you get head-ache's and you're stuffed up and you're hands are freezing. It's not fun at all.

But I'm going to suck it up and do my bestest still - because I am rad like that. Hopefully I won't crack during songs or anything, cause that would be uber embarrassing.

Anyways, 3 more weeks of school! Woooo! I cannot wait for this semester to be over. It just scares me that I actually have to decide on what i'm planning to do for the next school year. I have three options:

1)Transfer to university (most likely SFU) for continuing academics
2)Take a year off from school and work.
3)Apply to a theatre school after I'm done Douglas.

I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!! ARGHHH!

P.S If you haven't seen Fiddler yet - COME SEE IT!

ta-ta for now.

Ahhh! A sweet trailer...

For a little something I'd like to call FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o8LEva9E0M



So, the first three shows went superbly! (Although today we cut iain's song because his throat is yucky....get better iain!)

And yes....

Coming home from the show today I got in a frickin car accident! (that's all i need)....

Frick, I'm glad tomorrow is a holiday.

DANIEL! (and fiddler...)

So, there is this boy.

His name is SISTA SUCKA aka Danjiel aka Daniel.....and I lurve him to bits.

And here he is eating a hu-mugggge (AKA Huge/Humungous) piece of cotton candy.

Okay, but on a serious note, this boy is amazingly talented, and I am soooo privledged to know him. Seriously, he astounds me with all that uniqueness of him that pops out. And I miss him terribley - (as along with the rest of the CB cast together).
Daniel. I love thee. I want to see you reallllllll soon, Okay Pal?!?!

PS.........LOVE THIS PICTURE:

On one more note:

Fiddler opens tomorrow! We didn't have the best dress rehearsal today....but you know what they say! A Bad Dress Rehearsal = A Good Opening!

Break a leg cast, and everyone else involved (if anyone reads this by tomorrow, or at all)

MOOO.

Babies + Pictures

Firstly, I would like to congratulate:

Peter and Katey for the birth of their new boy
and
Sharon and her husband for the birth of their new boy!

Wanna know the weird thing? Both boy's names are Lucas (different spelling, of course, but still - weird!)


Onto other things, Kaylee asked for more pictures from Fiddler - I don't have many, but I'll give you a few.

Here is Becky, Robyn, Joel, me, and Iain fooling around for one rehearsal.









Here are the leads with Lalainia at Bunky's house, for character work.

L-R Top: Lul(Director), Jim(Constable), Chad(Tevye), Dan(Motel), Helen(Yente), Robyn W(Chava), Robyn K(Golde)

L-R Bottom: Joel(Fyedka), Laura(Tzietel), Iain(Perchik), Me!(Hodel)



Finally, here is Laura and I in costume!

It's the ugliest pic of me ever! But that's alright.




What wonderful people I am working with!!